Guilt vs. Shame: Exploring Their Relationship with Eating

Guilt and shame are complex emotions that can significantly impact our relationship with food and eating habits. As a registered dietitian, I believe it is essential to understand the distinction between guilt and shame and how they influence our choices. In this blog post, we will explore the psychological concepts of guilt and shame, their relationship with eating, and evidence-based strategies to navigate these emotions for a healthier relationship with food.

Understanding guilt and shame:

Guilt and shame are distinct emotional experiences, although they are often used interchangeably. Guilt arises when we feel remorse or regret about a specific behavior or action. It focuses on the behavior itself and can help you be the person you want to be. In contrast, shame is a deeper and self-focused emotion that arises when we internalize a sense of personal inadequacy or worthlessness due to a behavior or action. Shame says “I’m a bad person,” and guilt says “I did something bad.” Guilt and shame are usually associated with moralizing thoughts and self-judgement.

The Relationship with Eating:

Guilt and shame can become intertwined with our eating patterns, leading to the binge eating cycle. Guilt related to eating is often associated with feelings of remorse over indulging in "unhealthy" foods or overeating. This guilt can trigger restrictive eating behaviors or compensatory actions, such as excessive exercise or strict dieting. Guilt, however, is a softer, and more forgiving feeling. You can also learn from guilt. It makes sense that we, as human beings, have an internal compass to tell us what to do.

Shame, on the other hand, can profoundly impact our self-perception and body image. It can lead to a cycle of negative self-talk and feelings of unworthiness, often fueling emotional eating as a means of comfort or escape. Shame can create a disconnection from our body's needs and lead to a tumultuous relationship with food and our own self-worth. Individuals who experience shame and binge eating episodes may generalize their behaviours to include their person as a whole. Said another way, “I am an overeater and that means I’m bad” (whereas the guilt form would say something like “I overate last night so that action I did was bad”).

Evidence-Based Strategies:

• Self-Compassion: Practicing self-compassion is a powerful tool in navigating guilt and shame. It involves treating oneself with kindness, understanding, and acceptance. Research suggests that self-compassion is associated with healthier eating behaviors and improved body image.

• Cognitive Restructuring: This technique involves challenging negative thoughts and beliefs associated with guilt and shame. By replacing self-critical thoughts with more balanced and realistic ones, individuals can reframe their relationship with food and eating. This can be done through many forms of therapy including cognitive behavioural therapy or cognitive processing therapy.

• Mindful Eating: Mindful eating cultivates awareness and non-judgmental observation of the present moment while eating. It encourages tuning into hunger and fullness cues, savoring food, and developing a healthier relationship with eating. I have to admit, I don’t enjoy the word “mindful” it sounds too much like a chore. I prefer to call it “experiencing life.”

• Social Support: Seeking support from friends, family, or professionals, such as therapists or registered dietitians, can provide a safe space to discuss feelings of guilt and shame. It fosters understanding, validation, and guidance in developing healthier coping strategies. In dialectical behavioural therapy (DBT), the client is guided to use a skill called “opposite action”. This is where, if a shameful self-judgement didn’t “fit the facts,” you would strive to act in the opposite way the emotion told you to. For example, if you are a good person but have done some bad things in your life, is it really fair to say you’re a bad person? Can’t you be a human that has done good and bad things? I believe this is very important for working through guilt and shame.'

  • Make sure, when seeking social support, you don’t rely on people who may shame you, instead confide in someone who offers more unconditional acceptance.

• Body Acceptance: Embracing body acceptance and body positivity can help counteract feelings of shame related to body image. Encouraging self-acceptance and celebrating the diverse shapes and sizes of bodies can contribute to improved well-being and a healthier relationship with food.

Understanding the distinctions between guilt and shame and their impact on eating behaviours is crucial for cultivating a healthier relationship with food. By applying evidence-based strategies such as self-compassion, cognitive restructuring, mindful eating, seeking social support, and promoting body acceptance, you can navigate guilt and shame in a way that supports positive change and fosters a healthier relationship with food and your own self-worth.